“Relationship” is Not a Word Found in the Bible,
but the Word “Love” is!
(Does “relationship” = “love”?)
I am
reading a book right now about the so-called “one another” teachings found in
the New Testament. These are the passages that call upon Christians to “love
one another,” “serve one another,” “pray for one another,” “encourage one
another,” “spur one another on,” “accept one another,” etc. I appreciate so
much the authors’ efforts to call on modern-day Christians to prioritize the
“once another” focus that we read about in the early Jesus movement. Yet, I
struggle at times with the authors’ terminology, particularly one word:
“relationship.” I question the pervasive use of this very modern word,
especially as I realized that, in my almost 40 years as a pastor-teacher in
various congregations, I, too, had way too heavily used that word.
Is the
modern idea of “relationship” even a biblical concept? The Oxford dictionary
defines “relationship” as follows:
·
“the way
in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state
of being connected”
·
“the
state of being connected by blood or marriage”
·
“the way
in which two or more people or groups regard and behave toward each other”
·
“an
emotional and sexual association between two people”
The
first recorded use of the word “relationship” dates only back to the mid 1700s.
As one author notes, “It’s hard to imagine anyone in the 19th-century
discussing their ‘relationships.’” According to the Online Etymology
Dictionary, the word “relationship” first appeared in 1744, but was not applied
“specifically of romantic or sexual relationships” until 1944. It is unclear
when the word began to be used to encompass all enduring social ties—maybe in
the 1970s?
Here’s
my first point: when you do a word search in committee translations of the
biblical text, you won’t find the word “relationship” until some of the latest
and more popularly “translated” English Bibles – for example, NIV (3 times),
Holman Christian Standard Bible (5 times), and NET Bible (14 times). However,
when you dig down into those translations to see what Hebrew, Aramaic or Greek
word they were translating as “relationship” you won’t find one. In other
words, the translators added this word to the text by interpreting the passage
and putting in into what they considered to be modern English.
Below
are the occurrences of the word “relationship” in the NET Bible, translated in
the late 20th– early 21st centuries. Below each quotation
is what the Hebrew or Greek actually says. Like me, you might find the results
startling and perhaps a little unsettling. Please remember that every
translation involves interpretation. My point is that using the word
“relationship”—because it is a modern, not ancient, concept—adds something to
the text that the authors of the biblical texts did not even have in mind. They
didn’t think or write in terms of a “relationship with God” or in terms of
“relationships with other humans.” We, however, strive to take those passages
that obviously speak of how we are to be with God and with our fellow human
beings and with our fellow Christians and we speak of “our relationship with God”
and “our relationships with other Christians.”
***************
Josh. 22:24 We swear we have done this
because we were worried that48 in the future your descendants would
say to our descendants, ‘What
relationship do you have with the LORD God of Israel?49
Heb: "What is there to you and
to the Lord God of Israel?"
Is. 58:14 Then you will find joy in your relationship to the LORD,37 and I will give you great prosperity,38
and cause crops to grow on the land I gave to your ancestor
Jacob.”3 Know for certain that the LORD has spoken.40
Heb: “Then, you will find joy
over Yahweh…”
Ezek. 20:12 I also gave them my Sabbaths22
as a reminder of our relationship,23 so that they would know that I, the LORD,
sanctify them.24
Heb: "to become a sign
between me and them."
Ezek. 20:20 Treat my Sabbaths as holy33
and they will be a
reminder of our relationship,34 and then you will know that I am the LORD your God.”
Heb: "and they will
become a sign between me and you."
Zech. 9:11 Moreover, as for
you, because of our
covenant relationship secured with blood, I will release your prisoners
from the waterless pit.
Heb: “Also, you, with blood of your covenant,
I will release your prisoners from a pit [where] there is no water in it.”
Rom. 2:17 But if you call
yourself a Jew and rely on the law36 and boast of your relationship to God37
Greek: “…and boast in God…”
1Cor. 1:30 He is the reason you have a relationship with Christ Jesus,31 who became for us wisdom from God, and
righteousness and sanctification and redemption,
Greek: “And you from him are in Christ Jesus…”
1Cor. 7:5 Do not deprive each other, except by mutual agreement for a
specified time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.5 Then resume your relationship,6 so that Satan may not tempt you because of your
lack of self-control.
Greek: “And again, you might be together again…”
**************
Here are
a few examples from the book that I’m currently reading.[1]
·
The
title of Chapter One: “Relationships at the Center of the Target.”
·
“In this
book we are affirming that relationships in the body of Christ—and particularly
the nature of those relationships—are not in some peripheral area.” (14)
·
“…the
nature of our relationships with other Christians must be of primary concern.”
(15)
·
“Jesus
makes it clear that relationships with others is intricately tied in with
relationship with God.” (15)
·
“But if
this passage introduces us to and lays the foundation for the idea that
relationships are at the centre of God’s will…” (16)
·
“So
relationships are at the centre of God’s will because it is in these
relationships, that are anything but superficial, where we are fulfilling the
very principle of Christ.” (18)
·
“How can
we ignore the centrality of our relationships as we worship and serve a God who
in his very. Nature demonstrated relationships to us?” (22–23)
I
understand what the authors are saying, and I applaud them for calling us to
consider how we are with God and with one another. However, in most of places
where the term “relationship” is written, the word “love” could–and in my
opinion, should–be substituted. Go back to the quotations above and do just
that, starting with the title (and the point) of the chapter: “Love at the
Centre of the Target.” To me—and maybe it’s just me—there’s now no ambiguity,
especially if I allow the biblical texts to define/describe for me what it
means to “love God,” “love my neighbour” and “love one another.”
I’m not
saying we should throw the word “relationship” out and never again speak of
“our relationships with one another” or “having a relationship with God.”
However, I do think we overuse the word and that it does mean very different
things to very different people. Love, when defined biblically, is less apt to
be misunderstood. Indeed, we are not called to “have a relationship with God”
or to be “in relationships with our neighbours and other Christians.” We are
commanded to “love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength,” “to love our
neighbour as ourselves,” and imitate Jesus’ love for his disciples in our love
for one another. Where there is ongoing “love” there will be “relationship,” but it is
possible to be in “relationships” where love is mostly, or completely, absent.
God is
love and it is our love (for God, one another and our neighbours) that demonstrates
that we are Jesus’ disciples. One of my “favourite” (and most challenging of) passages is Ephesians
5:1–2, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love,
as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and
sacrifice to God.”
[1] Please note that I am not being critical of the
authors of “One Another: Transformational Relationships in the Body of Christ.”
I have nothing but the utmost respect for their lives and the scholarship of
each of these men. However, I’m using these quotations as examples of a way
we’ve misunderstood and/or misrepresented (and to some degree “softened”) how God
is calling us to be “with God” and “with each other.”
