Jesus Commands His Followers to "Love" God, their Neighbours and One Another

“Relationship” is Not a Word Found in the Bible, but the Word “Love” is!

(Does “relationship” = “love”?)

I am reading a book right now about the so-called “one another” teachings found in the New Testament. These are the passages that call upon Christians to “love one another,” “serve one another,” “pray for one another,” “encourage one another,” “spur one another on,” “accept one another,” etc. I appreciate so much the authors’ efforts to call on modern-day Christians to prioritize the “once another” focus that we read about in the early Jesus movement. Yet, I struggle at times with the authors’ terminology, particularly one word: “relationship.” I question the pervasive use of this very modern word, especially as I realized that, in my almost 40 years as a pastor-teacher in various congregations, I, too, had way too heavily used that word.

Is the modern idea of “relationship” even a biblical concept? The Oxford dictionary defines “relationship” as follows:

·      “the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected”

·      “the state of being connected by blood or marriage”

·      “the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave toward each other”

·      “an emotional and sexual association between two people”

The first recorded use of the word “relationship” dates only back to the mid 1700s. As one author notes, “It’s hard to imagine anyone in the 19^th-century discussing their ‘relationships.’” According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the word “relationship” first appeared in 1744, but was not applied “specifically of romantic or sexual relationships” until 1944. It is unclear when the word began to be used to encompass all enduring social ties—maybe in the 1970s?

Here’s my first point: when you do a word search in committee translations of the biblical text, you won’t find the word “relationship” until some of the latest and more popularly “translated” English Bibles – for example, NIV (3 times), Holman Christian Standard Bible (5 times), and NET Bible (14 times). However, when you dig down into those translations to see what Hebrew, Aramaic or Greek word they were translating as “relationship” you won’t find one. In other words, the translators added this word to the text by interpreting the passage and putting in into what they considered to be modern English.

Below are the occurrences of the word “relationship” in the NET Bible, translated in the late 20^th– early 21^st centuries. Below each quotation is what the Hebrew or Greek actually says. Like me, you might find the results startling and perhaps a little unsettling. Please remember that every translation involves interpretation. My point is that using the word “relationship”—because it is a modern, not ancient, concept—adds something to the text that the authors of the biblical texts did not even have in mind. They didn’t think or write in terms of a “relationship with God” or in terms of “relationships with other humans.” We, however, strive to take those passages that obviously speak of how we are to be with God and with our fellow human beings and with our fellow Christians and we speak of “our relationship with God” and “our relationships with other Christians.”

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Josh. 22:24 We swear we have done this because we were worried that⁴⁸ in the future your descendants would say to our descendants, ‘What relationship do you have with the LORD God of Israel?⁴⁹

Heb: "What is there to you and to the Lord God of Israel?"

Is. 58:14 Then you will find joy in your relationship to the LORD,³⁷ and I will give you great prosperity,³⁸

and cause crops to grow on the land I gave to your ancestor Jacob.”³ Know for certain that the LORD has spoken.⁴⁰

Heb: “Then, you will find joy over Yahweh…”

Ezek. 20:12 I also gave them my Sabbaths²² as a reminder of our relationship,²³ so that they would know that I, the LORD, sanctify them.²⁴

Heb: "to become a sign between me and them."

Ezek. 20:20 Treat my Sabbaths as holy³³ and they will be a reminder of our relationship,³⁴ and then you will know that I am the LORD your God.”

Heb: "and they will become a sign between me and you."

Zech. 9:11   Moreover, as for you, because of our covenant relationship secured with blood, I will release your prisoners from the waterless pit.

Heb: “Also, you, with blood of your covenant, I will release your prisoners from a pit [where] there is no water in it.”

Rom. 2:17   But if you call yourself a Jew and rely on the law³⁶ and boast of your relationship to God³⁷

Greek: “…and boast in God…”

1Cor. 1:30 He is the reason you have a relationship with Christ Jesus,³¹ who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption,

Greek: “And you from him are in Christ Jesus…”

1Cor. 7:5 Do not deprive each other, except by mutual agreement for a specified time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.⁵ Then resume your relationship,⁶ so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Greek: “And again, you might be together again…”

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Here are a few examples from the book that I’m currently reading.[1]

·      The title of Chapter One: “Relationships at the Center of the Target.”

·      “In this book we are affirming that relationships in the body of Christ—and particularly the nature of those relationships—are not in some peripheral area.” (14)

·      “…the nature of our relationships with other Christians must be of primary concern.” (15)

·      “Jesus makes it clear that relationships with others is intricately tied in with relationship with God.” (15)

·      “But if this passage introduces us to and lays the foundation for the idea that relationships are at the centre of God’s will…” (16)

·      “So relationships are at the centre of God’s will because it is in these relationships, that are anything but superficial, where we are fulfilling the very principle of Christ.” (18)

·      “How can we ignore the centrality of our relationships as we worship and serve a God who in his very. Nature demonstrated relationships to us?” (22–23)

I understand what the authors are saying, and I applaud them for calling us to consider how we are with God and with one another. However, in most of places where the term “relationship” is written, the word “love” could–and in my opinion, should–be substituted. Go back to the quotations above and do just that, starting with the title (and the point) of the chapter: “Love at the Centre of the Target.” To me—and maybe it’s just me—there’s now no ambiguity, especially if I allow the biblical texts to define/describe for me what it means to “love God,” “love my neighbour” and “love one another.”

I’m not saying we should throw the word “relationship” out and never again speak of “our relationships with one another” or “having a relationship with God.” However, I do think we overuse the word and that it does mean very different things to very different people. Love, when defined biblically, is less apt to be misunderstood. Indeed, we are not called to “have a relationship with God” or to be “in relationships with our neighbours and other Christians.” We are commanded to “love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength,” “to love our neighbour as ourselves,” and imitate Jesus’ love for his disciples in our love for one another. Where there is ongoing “love” there will be “relationship,” but it is possible to be in “relationships” where love is mostly, or completely, absent.

God is love and it is our love (for God, one another and our neighbours) that demonstrates that we are Jesus’ disciples. One of my “favourite” (and most challenging of) passages is Ephesians 5:1–2, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

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[1] Please note that I am not being critical of the authors of “One Another: Transformational Relationships in the Body of Christ.” I have nothing but the utmost respect for their lives and the scholarship of each of these men. However, I’m using these quotations as examples of a way we’ve misunderstood and/or misrepresented (and to some degree “softened”) how God is calling us to be “with God” and “with each other.”