It's Christmas till Valentine's

“Pain, pain, go away. Come again another day.” First, this is not a misprint, even though it has been pouring rain here in Richmond, BC, for days on end and I wish the rain would go away.  Second, I truly mean the first part, but I really don’t mean the second part, of this request. I really don't want the pain to come again another day, even though, I know it will.  

The last few days have been quite painful with significant (moderate to severe) back spasms related, no doubt, to (1) a herniated L2-3 disc, (2) moderate/severe lumbar spinal stenosis, and (3) to degenerative disc disease, especially L4-5. While I have experienced the effects of the herniated disc daily for the last two years, they don’t always include back spasms, except with something gets tweaked back there! And, trust me, it can be something as innocuous as putting on my socks or drying off after my shower. When I go through these back spasm incidents—that usually last from several days to a few weeks—the most common emotions I feel are discouragement, frustration, anxiety and fear. Occasionally, I also feel anger and hopelessness. 

Yes, I do know—and I remind myself—that so many people have it so much worse than I do. So, I am grateful for the many advantages I have, not the least of which is a compassionate, supportive and patient life partner. These are some of the “worse” times that we both signed up for when we made our wedding vows. I also live in one of the most comfortable cities in one of the safest countries in the world. On top of that are the many material comforts I have—a decently sized, functionally furnished house. And so much more! 

But my gratitude for all my blessings does not take away the nagging deep ache and sharp stabbing pain that significantly limits my mobility, my clarity of mind and my ability to contribute to my family and my community. So, it is another opportunity to simultaneously experience sadness and gratitude, discouragement and hope, fear and faith, etc. 

In the midst of an expanding pandemic, another dark and rainy West Coast January and the annual let down from the ending of "the holiday season," one of my strategies is to live the Christmas decorations up inside the house, the Christmas lights on outside, and the Christmas music playing with the holiday fireplace crackling away on my TV. Yes, all that will have to change at some point...but maybe not until we switch over to Valentine's red and white decorations, after which maybe we'll switch over to the traditional pastels of Easter.

My other—and more important—strategies are to be open and honest with God, with my family and friends, and to continue to seek wisdom from whom I have chosen to believe is eternal wisdom personified. 

“In beginning was the Logos. And the Logos was with God and the Logos was deity…And the Logos became flesh and pitched his tent among us and we have beheld his glory; glory as of the One and Only from the Father, full of grace and truth…No one has ever seen God; the One and Only God, the One who is in the bosom of the Father, that One has made known.” (John 1:1, 14, 18, my translation and emphasis)

[Note: I have chosen to transliterate ὁ λόγος as "the Logos" rather than translate it as "the Word." Also, the One and Only is my translation of the Greek word μονογενὴς 'monogenes'.]