Love is "Uncontrolling."

One of the key ways that an open and relational perspective on God has challenged, inspired and equipped me has to do with learning that the love of God is "uncontrolling." In other words, while God always wants what is best for his creation and is saddened when we make selfish decisions that lead to loss, hurt, violence, etc., God does not coerce, manipulate, or in any way force us to change. I'm confident that while God uses every method possible to encourage, inspire, motive and enable us to make decisions that result in the betterment of ourselves and others, God does not step in and control us.

I thought of God's "uncontrolling" love again just this morning when I came across an article with this rather long, but clear, title: People Grow into the Finest Version of Themselves When They are Loved Without an Agenda. God wants us to grow into the finest versions of ourselves and so, to that end, God does not coerce, bribe, manipulate, trick or any any way force us to become what God knows we can become. 

I have made a lot of bad decisions in my life. If you can't relate, and you are young, then come back and talk to me when you're about to turn 65––that is, if I'm still around to talk to. These bad decisions not only hurt others including, and especially, those closest to me, but they hurt me and held me back from becoming my best self. Because God does not coerce, control or manipulate, the only person I could hold responsible for these bad decisions was me. But also because God loves me without control, then I was free to learn from my mistakes and become a better version of myself. 

There are those who would disagree with me––that is, that I have become a better version of myself––but so be it. Today, at almost 65 years of age, I am experiencing a responsibility and a desire to grow that is far greater and more authentic than at any time in the past when I felt pressured and manipulated and even held hostage by others to become what they thought I should become. 

Additionally, knowing that God's love is uncontrolling, I am striving to imitate that love in all of my relationships. I want others to become the finest versions of themselves, but for them to do that, I must discard my agenda and learn to love them unconditionally no matter what they choose to do or be. 

Here are some key quotes from the above linked article:

• [Having] an agenda [for others] creates distance between people since it is not vested in love or cooperation.
• If you want to help people grow into the finest version of themselves, nurture a spirit of compassion and empathy with them.
• Peace of mind comes from not wanting to change others, but by simply accepting them as they are. True acceptance is always without demands and expectations.
• We should greet others where they stand rather than expect them to align with us.
• We narrow the divide that separates us [when we] reach out to them in a shared space of humility, support and understanding.

I think you get the picture. My fellow human beings are capable of making decisions for their own lives. Even as a leader––and especially as a faith leader––the more I believe this and express that belief in the way I relate to those with whom I have influence, the greater will be the transformation that will occur as each person accepts and takes responsibility for their own life. 

I truly wish I had learned of God's uncontrolling love much earlier in my life, not only for my growth's sake, but for the sake of those whom I was entrusted to lead. But now that I have accepted God's non-manipulative love, I am able to imitate God and I can observe, with joy, as those whom I love are being transformed into the finest versions of themselves, because they are free to do so. 

[Note: I am so grateful for Thomas Jay Oord, that through his writings, teaching, example and friendship, I have had my understanding of the nature of God's αγαπη (agape) so radically transformed.]